It's Official: I'm A Redneck!

YEE HAW!!!!!

A little 'splainin' first: We're having a big Super Bowl XLII bash and we thought it'd be great to do a crawfish boil > sweet! We've ordered EIGHTY pounds of the crawdads for the fest, so I thought it'd be best to boil them outside on one of those outdoor patio stoves in my big-ass 60qt and 40qt stock pots!

I gather the only time people boil crawfish, lobster and crabs or deep fry a turkey is when they are absolutely plastered. My reason?

Here is a direct quote form the "Warning" section of the insert (there are 15 warnings and this is first):

WARNING! Read and understand before using this product.

1. Sober adult operation ONLY!

Sober? SOBER??? I have *never* read that before! I've checked manuals for my iTouch, the cable receiver, my printer, the microwave, the dishwasher and even Chris' new grill. Not ONE of the manuals mention that you have to be sober to use them! Obviously, these are your more drinker-friendly products... seriously though, do you think a chainsaw - which is way more dangerous - comes with that warning?

I just find it amazing they have to actually print that!

I could just see it: "Yee Haw! Me 'n da missus 'n our littl'uns are havin' us a deeep-friiied turkey... yep, I got me a turkey, enough boilin' oil to kill a a whole herd of dem Huns and I've drank me some ten beers! And I got me some more chillin' next to the stove... yessirree! Oops, pay me know mind! Ethel! Ethel! Bring me dat damn turkey!"

I Live in 1890's London! OOoooohhh!

We live in a townhome "complex" -- I guess that's what you would call it! It's not very big; there's only about 15 to 20 homes. ANYWAY...

It was *really* foggy and creepy here a few nights ago -- the fog was so thick ("As thick as pea soup I say!" [foghorn]) you could barely see across the street.

Our little neighbo(u)rhood has gas lamps through-out and I thought they looked wonderfully spooky! There's also electric lamps - sorry they're so bright.

Anyway, doesn't it look like Jack The Ripper's just hiding around a corner?!

It was cool.

I Hate George W. Bush.

Why didn't I know about this???

Help A Party Hostess (with the "mostess!) Out!

I need some ideas and I'm hoping you, my dear readers (all two of you) can help me out!

We're having this awesome Super Bowl party this Sunday and I want to have some games planned. Yes, party games can be dorky; but, that's what makes them fun! I think adults need to loosen up -- the world and life is too serious as it is -- and remember what it's like to be a kid at a party! Party favors? Check! Games? Check!! Prizes? CHECK!!!

So, I don't want to just "take" -- that's so greedy and *so* '90's! I would like to "give" --- I will share three of my more popular party games with you; then I hope in turn, you will share with me! Niiiiiice!

The Mummy Game

The only embarrassing part of this game is for the host/hostess... heading to the store and buying many, many rolls of t.p. can get you some strange looks.

Buy enough rolls so there is at least one roll for every two people. The cheapie stuff is good because it breaks/tears which makes the game interesting!

Everyone gets into teams of two and are given one, or preferably two, rolls of t.p. One person is the "dispenser" and the other person will be the "mummy." The goal of the game is to be the first to wrap the mummy-person completely from head-to-toe... sounds easy; but here's the kicker...

The dispenser-person can not aid in the wrapping in anyway other than holding the roll; the mummy-person must spin around in place! The dispenser may bend and move their arms up and down so that the t.p. can be wrapped from the feet to the head; but in no way may the dispenser wrap their arms or hand around the mummy to aid in the wrapping process!

Bad wraps don't count! Ideally, none of the mummy-person should show through the new wrapping! However, you need to keep your guests in mind -- a bunch of young, agile guests should be held to the tightest rules as this may be quite easy for the whipper-snappers! Us older folks can be clumsy, drunk, slow and/or have a wicked inner ear infection! For them, you might want to ease-up on the rules... unconscious guests are not fun guests!

Cotton Ball Drop

All you need for this is 10 cotton balls per player and some vasoline. Yes, vasoline.

I like to play this game in the kitchen or somewhere there is a counter or bar-height table because this seems best and easiest for the players.

In front of each player, place a pile of 10 cotton balls. Then, place a small dab of vasoline on the tip of each player's nose.

The goal of this game is to be the first player to "pick up" and drop all ten cotton balls (one at a time) to the floor ONLY USING THEIR NOSE!!!! No hands, no mouth, no nuttin'! Noses only!

This usually is not a close game because everybody feels so silly and are laughing; there's often just one focused player who pulls it off! But what's great is, it's not so hard "picking up" the cotton balls as it is dropping them!

I just always keep a small bag of ice on hand -- the first time *I* played, I got a bit aggressive and slammed my forehead into the counter. No one else but me has ever done that; but I think the ice is a good idea -- Be Prepared!

I.D. The Candy Bar

This one is fun, easy and a great conversation starter!

You'll need six small microwave-safe plates, six candy bars, pen or pencil and piece of paper for every player.

First, number the plates and correspond one candy per plate... record this on paper and keep hidden. Next, you're going to melt each candy bar beyond recognition in the microwave. I like to do this the day before the party, as this can make the house smell like burnt chocolate... I just put the melted blobs in the fridge until the party and this gives the place a chance to air out!

Use your imagine with this game, because the weirder the candy, the better!

Then, I have the candies placed somewhere with paper and pens nearby and as guests arrive, they can peruse the mounds-of-huh? and try to guess what they are! I give the players a list of the actual candy bars I melted and throw in three or four extra to confuse them... but at least this gives everybody a chance to pick some correct answers even if they're not avid candy bar consumers. Whoever has the most correct answers, wins! Yay!

So, there are my three games.

Bring it on!

hugs,

me

I'm On My Way to Cool!

I have a brand new (six-hours-old) MacBook! YES!

I'm so excited and it has so many new features! I'd tell you about them; but I have no idea what all this machine can do!

Tomorrow I go to the Apple Store and have a One-On-One with a Genius to help me get all the information from my old iBook to my MacBook. The "kids" at the Apple Store were all amazed I still had an iBook! Wait until they see my first generation iPod!

More to come...

Super Blehh XLII

I so wanted to see the Bolts beat the Pats. Hate 'em. The ONLY redeeming factor for the Patriots is the fact that Tom Brady guest starred on a very funny episode of "The Family Guy" and "Shipoopi" is one of the best scenes ever!

I also wanted to see the Packers beat the Giants... didn't happen. Brett Favre deserves to be there because he is a legend. No other reasons necessary. 

We're having a Super Bowl party (hey -- if you're in the neighborhood, stop by!) and I think I'll have to plan lots of party-games and such... I have a feeling this Bowl will be a blow-out of epic proportions. Anyone know of any fun party games?

Honey! I Just Shot Me a Boogularr!

I really like living in Dallas. It's a cool city that has exceeded my expectations in many ways. And I believe the reason for that is: No one here is from here. I'm glad to say I'm from Dallas.

However, saying I'm from Texas is a whole different matter:

'Castle Law' Arms Texas Homeowners the Right to Shoot

YEE-HAW!

Someone Was Very Busy...EDDIE!!!

This has got to be one of my favorite pictures! I promise you, I did not arrange or place the yarn in any way! By the way, the big one is Fergus and the little one is Tripp -- both innocent bystanders (obviously, one more than the other)!

I was downstairs in the kitchen and I kept hearing ba-dump ba-dump ba-dump (fast) over head. I knew it was Eddie (the pup in the top picture) - he's always bouncing around! No worries, though; he's got a mess of toys.

As I made my way upstairs, I was greeted by two wayward skeins of yarn. My heart sank... what got ruined now? However, when I followed those skeins and saw this, I couldn't help but laugh! I mean, how did he do it? Up and Over Fergus! On the Bed! Around the Piggy! Through the Piggy?!? Wow!!!

Luckily, the yarns were not important to me.  Well, let me put it this way:

Piggy Toy: $18.00

Four Skeins of Eyelash Yarn: $24.00

Eddie's Adoption: $250.00

Finding Fergus, Piggy and Half My Bedroom Wrapped In Yarn: Priceless

Allow Myself to Introduce Myself

I really wanted a clever name for this blog. Something witty that you'd remember. Sometimes, I just can't think that way; so I racked my brain for days, and then - Wah Lah!!!

Back when I was a kid, we (my Mom, Dad, our dog Pokey, and me) would go camping every weekend. That was fun when I was 7; but at 16 it was the pits. So, I would spend the entire weekend in a phone booth talking to my friend Wendy. Yes, a phone booth --- waaaay before there was ever such a thing as a cellphone. (That's scary science!) It was a good deal though - 10 cents and you could talk for-EVER. Really. Once, Wendy and I tried to "run out" the 10 cents and after about three hours, we gave up (I swear to God we could talk that long!). Anywho...

So, I'm 16 and at the campground bored out of my skull. I went to the main/public area and chose phone booth #1 (of 2) and called Wendy. We were talking and this really, really cute boy walked by! Well, I was boy crazy at that age, and I was also a total geek! We caught each other's eye and smiled! Smooth - so far! Wendy and I kept talking and finally this boy approached me. The Coke machines were right across from the phone booths, and Mr. Cutey-Pie came up to the phone booth and asked if he could buy me a pop! Wow!

I was so nervous (and Wendy can confirm this, she was on the other end of the line), that I looked into his beautiful blue eyes, smiled, and said...

"Me no thirsty."

The look on his face was that "deer in the headlights" look and he immediately turned and walked away -- at a pretty brisk pace. He also avoided me the rest of the weekend.

Eh, it is funny now -- devastating at 16! I was so embarrassed! Anyway, I'm sure I had many dork-moments before that; but, that's what I remember as the true beginning as "My Life As a Spazz (a cute spazz)!"

Enjoy!